Where am I........

I feel lost today, like I belong to no-one and no-where.
I am feeling empty, hurt, alone..................
I don't know from one day to the next what is real and what is this 'Illness'.
I keep thinking I am in love with random people, When I have a good marriage and a happy home.
I have an psychiatric appointment next month, not sure what to tell them. Do I be open with the Dr and fear what will happen? or do I tell Him/Her what they want to hear, I am fine, I am well. Nod and smile in all the write places and hope to god I fool them.

Every day I have thought/flashes of things I should do. Like what Reggie Perrin used to get. But mine are very odd. Like if someone is stood at the top of the stairs and I am behind them, I get a urge to push them. When I am upset I feel violent towards anyone that is near me. I am constantly tired I can fall asleep any where. I don't feel safe to be left alone, I don't feel in control of my self, and that scares me. :(.

I takes every effort to do every day things like wash my self, or even eat a proper meal.
My CBT asks me every time I see them 'Is there anything I want to talk about' but I am never sure what to say, cause things that concern most people, I do or think them every day, so to me these thoughts seem normal.