I feel lost today, like I belong to no-one and no-where.
I am feeling empty, hurt, alone..................
I don't know from one day to the next what is real and what is this 'Illness'.
I keep thinking I am in love with random people, When I have a good marriage and a happy home.
I have an psychiatric appointment next month, not sure what to tell them. Do I be open with the Dr and fear what will happen? or do I tell Him/Her what they want to hear, I am fine, I am well. Nod and smile in all the write places and hope to god I fool them.
Every day I have thought/flashes of things I should do. Like what Reggie Perrin used to get. But mine are very odd. Like if someone is stood at the top of the stairs and I am behind them, I get a urge to push them. When I am upset I feel violent towards anyone that is near me. I am constantly tired I can fall asleep any where. I don't feel safe to be left alone, I don't feel in control of my self, and that scares me. :(.
I takes every effort to do every day things like wash my self, or even eat a proper meal.
My CBT asks me every time I see them 'Is there anything I want to talk about' but I am never sure what to say, cause things that concern most people, I do or think them every day, so to me these thoughts seem normal.
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Been there, done that. I think you're right, depression does do weird things to your emotions and its hard to recognise fantasies built on quicksand for what they are when you're depressed. Maybe its something to do with self-medicating with imaginary happiness/excitement to keep the black clouds away. Definitely be honest with your psychiatrist, it won't be something they've never heard before and they'll probably be able to help you.
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